Abide With Me

I went to the local dawn service for ANZAC day today. It's such a simple way to show respect for those who fought, and those who continue to serve, for all Australian and New Zealand citizens.

It's days like today that put life back into perspective.

*insert line from a John Mayer song here*

I had another meeting that was draining and makes you ask yourself 'why is this happening to me?' yesterday but last night I didn't worry about a thing. I just enjoyed myself. I went to see John Mayer and loved every single minute of it. I had that feeling where you think to yourself 'if only I felt this amazing all the time'. Well let me tell you, seeing John Mayer can most definitely give you that feeling, not a biased opinion at all. Who would have thought after 10 years he would still be my favourite artist and every time I have seen him, he has played my favourite song, thanks John. Last night's show was just for me (just like every other big John Mayer fan says). I should have proposed then and there. I'm still on a high! Life can be good if you let it be!

I won't do a long winded review but I will tell you he can do a pretty good cover of Beyoncé's XO!

We were only 8 rows back stage left but the photos make it look as if were miles away!

We finally got to see John Mayer together. Only took us 8 years :D

I took so many photos and even though the camera on my ph is pretty good I didn't take many good shots. How do others do it? Is there a course for taking photos with your phone?

We were the happiest 5 girls on planet earth last night! Thanks for the photo Megs

 

 

Beyoncé's XO at the Adelaide Entertainment Centre!

Apparently this is the first time he has performed this cover! Lucky us!

(not my video, I was too busy watching but it's getting spread across the internet)

Graduation

It's been a very long week but thinking about it now makes me realise it was quite a significant one.

Yesterday marked 7 months since surgery! I have no idea where the last 7 months have gone. Having said that I did spend one of them sleeping most of the time, but I'm not sure what filled the other 6 months up. On top of that yesterday was the last day of school for the term (unfortunately it didn't end as one would hope it to end as two 4yr olds were so engrossed in their play that I ended up having to change wet clothing and another teacher had to disinfect the slippery dip). I'm really happy I made it through this term. Retrospectively I shouldn't have gone back to my full workload at the beginning of the term because those first few weeks of work really knocked me around. It was definitely hard and I definitely had moments where I thought I would not make it but I did.

I had a meeting with my boss and my main consultant from my rehabilitation program on Tuesday to discuss next term. Our main focus was trying to explain the type of fatigue that I still feel and how I use almost every break to regain some energy so I can make it through the next lesson. I find brain fatigue a really hard thing to explain, and as my specialist points out, unless you experience it you can't understand it. Anyway, I've been let off of yard duties again this term but I have a sense there are a few people who aren't happy with this. If I muster up the courage my speechy and I will talk a bit about this fatigue during a staff meeting so hopefully these few people won't be grumpy about it, not that I actually care about how they feel about it, because frankly it's not up to them.

After Tuesday's meeting I felt a bit more relaxed about next term but then the thought of Wednesday afternoon was a bit daunting. I yet again had a meeting with my neurologist booked in. I was a bit annoyed that I had to see him because I'd seen my neurosurgeon only a few weeks previously and was given the 'all clear' for the time being so felt like I was just going to see him to have the same thing told to me again. Having to pay $1** to see my neurologist added to the frustration however when I left I no longer cared that I had paid over half a day's pay to see him for 20 minutes. The reason for this was because he told me that he didn't believe it was necessary to continue to make appointments with him as I've been seizure free for just over 4 years and my surgery went well. It was a shock to hear this. I still have to see my neurosurgeon for ? years as he will monitor any change in my tumours but the thought of not having to see my neurologist was hard to comprehend. I've seen this Dr. over the last 6 years plenty of times. He was the one who shocked me 6 years ago telling me I had tumors and epilepsy, then he helped get my seizures under control, he was then the one who suggested that I have a consultation with my neurosurgeon. All of these experiences stirred different feelings from anxiety to rage, not at him, yet I always felt comfortable with what he was saying and trusted him and his suggestions. The thought of not having to see him makes me feels like I have reached another milestone on this long journey. It's also quite a weird thing to accept because there's now room for more uncertainty in where things are headed. I'm going to take the standpoint that things are continually getting better. He made it clear that I am more than welcome to make appointments to see him if I want to and that in itself made me feel calmer about saying goodbye as the appointment ended.

Today I am thankful for...

As I left my neurosurgeon's office today I got all teary! The tears that were welling up in my eyes were tears of relief. To put it plain and simple, everything is ok! The lesions haven't increased in size and he is really impressed with my recovery.

Today was the shortest appointment I have had with my Neurosurgeon and I only had to wait 40 minutes to see him, fastest time ever. We had a quick look at the MRIs, he asked a few questions, I asked a few and decided when I should have the next MRI. As usual I was quite anxious and he told me to relax, reminding me that our human instinct can be to worry or be anxious before there is anything to worry about. How true is this. I'm going to try very hard not to worry.

The outcome of today's appointment is something that will definitely make it into my gratitude journal tonight!

and this one is for you

I've never seen a place selling Corn dogs in Australia but if we had them I'd buy you one! x

The Year That Was

Today is the 31st of December, or you could say New Years Eve. I'm not the biggest fan of NYE. Never have been. I'm not sure why. I know that a few times I have thought I had achieved nothing in the year that I was about to farewell so wanted it to go on a bit longer so I could achieve something. I think that feeling seems to show up almost every year come the 31st of December. That highlights a bit of the pessimistic side of me I suppose. I am proud to say I think I have achieved a lot this year. I battled through quite a challenging year and through this my pessimistic side has been rather subdued. It needed to be, I made it that way. Pessimism does not help anyone in times of trouble so I decided to kick that personal trait as far away as possible. It crept back occasionally but I think I did a pretty good job controlling it. If anything this year has made me more optimistic

Having said this it obviously does not mean that I have found this year incredibly enjoyable. It has been hard. I think it's fair to say this was probably one of the hardest years of my life but I made it ((well 8 hours and 10 minutes to go) sheesh pessimist). I could not have made it on my own so thanks to all of you who sent your positive thoughts and prayed for me. Yesterday after my Grandma's funeral I met so many of her friends who knew what my family and I have been through and they told me how proud my Grandma was of me. They said that they would continue to pray for me and hearing both of these things made me teary/cry, again. I'm surprised I still had tears to spill, it was a very emotional day.

Personally I don't find a need to make new years resolutions because if I decide I want to do something within a set time frame I don't feel the need to wait until the 1st of January, I set my own date, but I am glad that that date helps others. However after all of the trials this year has presented me I think I will make a resolution, not a new resolution, so to speak, but to continue with something I have done this year. I'm going to strive to stay positive whatever may happen. Having said this I really just pray this coming year does not present as many challenges as the one that will shortly end has. I don't care for brain surgery again any time soon, well never again actually.

The day my Grandma died both mum and I were wishing this year had never happened because we went through a moment of not being able to see any good in it. It was my dad that pulled us back inline and reminded us that through all of the chaos and unexpected experiences that this year has bought upon us we have learnt a lot and definitely become stronger people. Although I never wish to face a year like this again in someways this year has been a gift. A challenging gift to accept but the rewards will be long lasting.

I made a Flipagram of my 2013 (most parts of it) if you wish to have a look (if the link works).

Happy New Year to all! 

http://instagram.com/p/ikhqBFNtVm/

I've got this

It fascinates me how concerned about me some of the Dr.s and my immediate family were the first week after my surgery. I personally knew I was ok but they didn't. It's weird. I think talking about it with others now is interesting and can be quite amusing. My mum told me she knew I was OK the first time I turned on the TV and saw an add for a top end hairdressing salon and I then pointed to my partially shaved head and jokingly said '$20,000'. Apparently it made her smile for a few days.

On another note I also think about how painful it must be for those who know that cognitively they understand everything but they simply cannot make themselves verbally understood to others due to brain injuries or impairments they were born with. It saddens me and was actually one of my biggest fears that I may end up like that.

I'm grateful.

In Repair

Six weeks ago I was packing a couple of bags and making sure I had all the forms I needed to take to the hospital. My best friend came over in the midst of my flurried state and helped me with a few things, or rather calmed me down by helping me finish one thing before I rushed off to do another task. After she left, which involved a rather short farewell because neither of us wanted to cry,

I finished off all my packing, had a shower and got into bed having decided that I would share the link to this blog with my Facebook pals as well as writing a bit of a hmm... testimony. Testimony is probably not the best word to describe it but I'm not sure what other word I would use. It was a really hard task for me to do, I'd already posted pretty much 'The Story' of the last 5 years of my life but hadn't shared it with many people and everyone I had shared it with knew about the story already, so hey! I wasn't sure what the reaction would be, if anyone would read it or whatnot but I'm glad I shared it. I was really surprised and really touched by the well wishes I got, especially from people who I didn't have much contact with anymore. Once again, I'm glad I shared it!

Anyway, I suppose this post is for a couple of reasons, the first one being to express that I agree that time flies and the second to say thank-you to those who have read my blog, whether or not you are reading this now, and have supported me. I honestly thank-you!

Look at me now, I'm doing alright! Let's see how much more I can improve in the next 6 weeks.

Knowing me, I will post another blog tomorrow because of the six week anniversary! It might not be much to you but it's a hell of a lot to me.