Graduation

It's been a very long week but thinking about it now makes me realise it was quite a significant one.

Yesterday marked 7 months since surgery! I have no idea where the last 7 months have gone. Having said that I did spend one of them sleeping most of the time, but I'm not sure what filled the other 6 months up. On top of that yesterday was the last day of school for the term (unfortunately it didn't end as one would hope it to end as two 4yr olds were so engrossed in their play that I ended up having to change wet clothing and another teacher had to disinfect the slippery dip). I'm really happy I made it through this term. Retrospectively I shouldn't have gone back to my full workload at the beginning of the term because those first few weeks of work really knocked me around. It was definitely hard and I definitely had moments where I thought I would not make it but I did.

I had a meeting with my boss and my main consultant from my rehabilitation program on Tuesday to discuss next term. Our main focus was trying to explain the type of fatigue that I still feel and how I use almost every break to regain some energy so I can make it through the next lesson. I find brain fatigue a really hard thing to explain, and as my specialist points out, unless you experience it you can't understand it. Anyway, I've been let off of yard duties again this term but I have a sense there are a few people who aren't happy with this. If I muster up the courage my speechy and I will talk a bit about this fatigue during a staff meeting so hopefully these few people won't be grumpy about it, not that I actually care about how they feel about it, because frankly it's not up to them.

After Tuesday's meeting I felt a bit more relaxed about next term but then the thought of Wednesday afternoon was a bit daunting. I yet again had a meeting with my neurologist booked in. I was a bit annoyed that I had to see him because I'd seen my neurosurgeon only a few weeks previously and was given the 'all clear' for the time being so felt like I was just going to see him to have the same thing told to me again. Having to pay $1** to see my neurologist added to the frustration however when I left I no longer cared that I had paid over half a day's pay to see him for 20 minutes. The reason for this was because he told me that he didn't believe it was necessary to continue to make appointments with him as I've been seizure free for just over 4 years and my surgery went well. It was a shock to hear this. I still have to see my neurosurgeon for ? years as he will monitor any change in my tumours but the thought of not having to see my neurologist was hard to comprehend. I've seen this Dr. over the last 6 years plenty of times. He was the one who shocked me 6 years ago telling me I had tumors and epilepsy, then he helped get my seizures under control, he was then the one who suggested that I have a consultation with my neurosurgeon. All of these experiences stirred different feelings from anxiety to rage, not at him, yet I always felt comfortable with what he was saying and trusted him and his suggestions. The thought of not having to see him makes me feels like I have reached another milestone on this long journey. It's also quite a weird thing to accept because there's now room for more uncertainty in where things are headed. I'm going to take the standpoint that things are continually getting better. He made it clear that I am more than welcome to make appointments to see him if I want to and that in itself made me feel calmer about saying goodbye as the appointment ended.

Back to...normality?

Have you ever tried to take a selfie? Actually just a picture of one of your eyes! It's hard work. I couldn't do it. I wanted to do it so I could show off how far the healing process of my eye has been. It will still be a few more days before it is back to how it looked before surgery took place but my goodness it's a lot better than a week ago. I posted a photo a couple of weeks back that showed the staples in my head but if you look closely at my left eyelid you will see that it looks like it had some incredible makeup artist come along and do some fantastic eye-makeup for me. Alas it was a bruise, a bloody nasty one. It wasn't just the skin that was bruised but the eyeball and as that has no skin covering it imagine the colour it was. I can't remember, as I was under rather heavy drugs, but I couldn't close my eye because it was too swollen. I don't get how that works. Anyway surgery was 4 weeks ago yesterday WOOT but as I said the eye has a bit more healing to do. I don't know how I would cope if my vision had been impaired through this surgery. I love to travel and what I bring back from travel, apart from a few trinkets, is the memories of what I have seen and experienced. I honestly don't know what my life would be like right now if my eye wasn't OK.

Apart from that the last week has been interesting. I'm tired, once again expected. I feel the most tired around midday-3pm. I'm not sure why. I admit I haven't done enough exercise and I question myself as to whether this is why I'm not sleeping well at night or because it is actually a weird feeling to not be woken up every couple of hours as I was at hospital by nurses taking blood or giving me drugs at 3am in the morning. I've had some weird dreams as well. The type of dreams where you try to wake yourself up from but when you wake up you can't remember what the dream was about and are asleep again withing 26 seconds. I'm hoping they stop soon. Could it still be the drugs from the hospital wearing off? Possibly! Actually I have no idea. I forgot to ask the neurologist on Wednesday dang it!

So yes, I saw my neurologist again on Wednesday. I was hoping he would have the biopsy results to talk through with me but nope, this was not the case! I won't know the actual results until next time I see my neurosurgeon in December. I'm assuming this means it's not an urgent matter as I can't see him before then and he hasn't contacted me. In addition, at the hospital, the neurosurgeon and the neurologist have said they don't expect radiotherapy will be necessary but we shall see when I speak to my neurosurgeon later. I passed on a report from Hamstead to my neurologist and he wasn't shocked by anything. It was a long appointment, which like every other 3rd or 4th day in hospital had him checking my reflexes and eyes. I passed with flying colours, well at least I passed. I went to pay the dreaded bill after discussing what needs to be checked and when I need another appointment and the lady at the desk informed me that my Dr. had bulk billed me for that session. WOO HOO otherwise it would have cost me $220ish dollars. Praise the Lord! I have no sick leave left and am currently waiting to see if Centrelink will pay me sickness leave. That was an alright way to end an appointment I always dread, even though my neurologist is really nice.

After that I headed off to Centrelink to lodge my sickness claim. I waited about 40 minutes, I felt like I was going to fall asleep at one stage, until someone was free to help. I handed over all of the necessary information and hopefully I will get some money to help with bills and possibly let me go out for a coffee once a week. Lastly I went over to the gym and gave them a copy of my sickness certificate so that they don't charge me whilst I'm unable to do strenuous activity.

Overall I was out doing this simple chores from about 10am - 3pm and I was so tired by the end of it all. It's frustrating but as I finish writing this it's almost 12:40am and whilst I'm tired I don't feel as tired as I did at around 3pm. One of the main things I have definitely learnt over the last month is that the body is an amazing thing/object/mechanism and this odd sleep pattern is a simple example of the complexities of it. It's not because I've been out partying til the wee hours of the morning. I've done nothing, some days literally nothing. For goodness sake I only lasted until 9ish on Saturday night and was just out for dinner.

As I was writing this blog, with a heavy focus on eyes at the beginning, it reminded me of this quote (pretty close to what he said) from a friend when I was in year 12 that I doubt I will ever forget. 'Cass you have green in your eyes!' I was bawling my eyes out at the time, about what I don't know. Typical 17 year old boy :D I admit I love Coldplay (mainly their early stuff).

Now I'm tired, gosh this is weird!

Tonight the moon so bright you could drive with your headlights out!

Hear me out!
I was awake until just after 2 am last night/this morning. There were numerous reasons as to why, none of which we will go into detail about now. As I lay there I was thinking, 'I wonder if this album I have pre-ordered will download now', as its release date was today. I gave it a go. Fail! Our country is so bloody massive it had to be 23/8/2013 all across OZ. Unfair! I eventually fell asleep, all be it for less than 4 hours. Speaking of country, this album has a bit of a country feel to it. Not every song but there are a few that stand out. So yes you've probably cottoned on that this really will be a blog about my thoughts on this album. John Mayer's newbie Paradise Valley. Frankly I don't really care anymore what people think when I tell them my favourite artist is John Mayer. I usually get an 'oh hahaha response' and I know some people find it weird because I don't listen to commercial music (much) and they certainly don't play John on Triple J, in fact I've heard them pay him out before, but that's cool, they're still alright! I must be honest but the first time I heard John was back in 2002 and I HATED his music, well the one song I had heard. This song is the one most people think of when they hear his name, 'Your Body is a Wonderland'. I think I hated it because all of the "popular *coughsplutterskankscoughsplutter* girls at school liked it. Still don't know why that turned me off of it, my friends didn't dig it either.

I found myself in Borders one day, yeah good ol Borders books and music, and as I quite frequently did, stood there and listened to the whole album. Next thing you know I was in love. At first my family was into his music, I don't play it as loud as I used to because now they have had enough of him. Dad still has respect for his music and I know that deep down so does my brother, as he is talented, not a biased perspective at all. Dad took me to his gig a few months later. It was great but I secretly wanted to be down the front screaming with all the other teenies, even though it was a seated show. My time came for that again, twice actually, one time I was in the 3rd row. That show deserves a book not just a blog post, but I don't have time for that, sorry to disappoint.

Well after all the lead up to this review I won't do I'll just put it out there that I won't be doing an indepth Rolling Stone addition but just make a few points. The opening tune, Wildfire, is good, fullstop. It's got a bit of country feel to it, but it's catchy and sweet. Paper Doll was released as a single earlier this year. This song is probably the closest to his old style, simple, I'll put it in the Continuum category. The videoclip for this, only John Mayer can get away with. I'll post it and then you might get why he's the only one that can get away with it. I think it's because of his supposed carefree atitutde. Track 6, oh dear track 6! It's a beautiful love song BUT Katy perry you RUIN the end/almost the whole song for me because of that stupid giggle you do at the end. Now I've never hated Katy, she's alright and considering John and her are a couple it's fair enough they did this track together but that ending is surely her idea and it's terrible. WHY did you fall for this John, why?! I'm thinking this is an advertising thing, works for both of them, well more for Katy fans really. Other die hard John Mayer fans probably feel the same way as I do, unless they are also a die hard Katy fan as well. It's just way off track, even the song with Taylor Swift on Battle Studies works better. But having said that it's not my least favorite on the album. At the moment that is Track 5. Track 7, possibly a tear jerker, beautiful! Track 8 presents us with Frank Ocean. I swear that man canNOT sing live but I'm digging this song, the whole 1:26 of it. Don't really know why, I'm thinking it may wear off on me. After this, the catchy upbeat hillbilly sound returns and it's needed after the previous tracks but then we head back into the slow, solemn and mellow sounds. He ends it nicely, it's not depressing, not too much chingy changy country, just a  well placed track.

I have often thought it would be a difficult job to order tracks. If you think about it, you don't want all the happy  songs  at once followed by all the sad songs otherwise your upbeat mood will just drop but then if you put all the sad, melancholic songs first then come the upbeat songs can you concentrate on the positive aspects of them? Being a "deep thinker" I think I would love such a job yet it would probably drive me mad!

This album gets 4/5!

Here's Paper Doll for you.

On another note, I spent over three hours at the hospital today. Had 7 tubes of blood taken! I'm alright, trying to stay postive. I'm loving how I'm writing about visiting the hospital yet many people who may read this, be they "friends" or not will have no idea why I visited the hospital. Weird, possibly twisted, I know, but come on everyone loves a bit of suspense Actually I think I'm still just too scared to share the story. Keep checking and you may read the story!

Time to sleep! Basketball in the "morning" let's see if I can be top scorer 2 weeks in a row. Maybe shouting 'it's off"' every time I shoot is playing reverse psych with the ball. I'll try it again tomorrow

'You is kind, you is smart, you is important'.