fact: I have two brain tumours! If you want to find out more then have a read.
The last few years have have been full of many trials and tribulations but I will tell you one thing, I have learnt a lot about life.
I went to my GP last week so they could fill out the annual form that says I'm fit to drive. It's this section that relates to me.
So have a guess which boxes my Dr. ticked. You probably guessed correctly.
Seizures and Space-occupying Lesion (brain tumour) but not Epilepsy. Ok so for the last ? years it's been Epilepsy but not now, is it no longer that? It is that isn't it?! What is it? I questioned her, 'umm why didn't you tick Epilepsy' 'well it's the tumour that gave you the seizures' 'well yes but I've been told it's caused me to have Epilepsy so why aren't you ticking it you used to tick it?'. She then ticked it and drew a line linking Epilepsy to Space-Occupying Lesion.
I'm so confused! Make up your mind Dr.s. Just tell me what I have! Write it down on a piece of paper in layman's terms so I know what to tick on my forms. Also how do I explain this to people? Epilepsy or not? Should I say 'I have brain tumours so they sparked seizures but it's not Epilepsy' or do I say 'My brain tumours triggered Epilepsy but because it's caused by brain tumours it's not really Epilepsy but at the same time it is'! Are you confused too?
This is too tricky. I just want to get into bed and hope that when I wake up all of this has just been a dream!
p.s this is a beautiful soundtrack! I find it very calming!
When I start typing I'll usually delete the first few lines and start afresh. I've already done this about 3 times and by about the 4th attempt I tell myself 'just write the damn thing' so I'm not changing this intro. I'm just going to type the blog!
The last few weeks have been challenging but rewarding. School started three weeks ago and I whilst I am extremely tired at the end of each day I am really happy to be back at work. It has given me a boost of confidence and again reminded me of how I am constantly improving. I've remained in my class for most of the recess and lunch breaks we
have at work so that I can have some quiet time and catch my breath, clear my head and prepare myself for the next lot of trouble makers. This has definitely been helpful in getting me through each day. I
haven't asked another teacher to step in so I can have a quick break but
did warn them that I may need some help. Thankfully I haven't needed this help.
Surgery was just over 5 months ago now. The time has flown but at the same time the healing process is a long one. Whilst I am glad surgery was "quite some time ago" I have been disappointed or perhaps more frustrated recently that most people who see me and know I have been through surgery think I am completely back to my pre-op self. It's really quite upsetting. I hope it's something that they never have to experience so I suppose I can't really expect empathy but I do hope for some sympathy when I give them a gentle reminder that I am not yet 100% better. Having said this I feel like I'm almost there.
I love reading other people's blogs and the detail that some put into them is fantastic but I always wonder how long it must take them to type up such detailed accounts of their day/week/month. I don't have the memory or enough concentration to go into such detail so here is a list of things that has happened in the last month.
another visit to the Dr.s
waiting anxiously for the letter from the Department of Transport informing me I am clear to drive
wasted $80+ dollars on medication as I forgot to take my medication out of the car and it so happened to be 46 degrees that day
no migraines
I returned to the gym
new haircut/colour
ventured into public/work without wearing a headband for the first time since surgery
On the non-medical side of things
my brother turned 21 so now I'm feeling quite a bit older
started house hunting and am not enjoying it
experienced the hottest day/summer on record in South Australia and our house survived without air-conditioning.
packed a bag for possible emergency evacuation as there was an uncontrolled bushfire in the nearby national park
first "usual" paycheck since last September
became addicted to online UNO
Watched almost every episode of Downton Abbey
I'm feeling quite happy at the moment. I'm happy with life but excited for change. I'm particularly happy at the moment because I FINALLY received the news that I can drive again. Welcome back independence! I must admit I am quite nervous to drive independently, especially during peak hour so I will probably be venturing to work earlier than usual and leaving a tad later.
On another note, I wanted to share a TED talk. I watched it the other day when I was having some quiet time in my classroom. It's about Introverts, the positive side, which is nice to hear. As I was listening to it I was thinking to myself 'yup that's me, yup that too, and that' but it also made the point that us introverts aren't constantly introverrted, which I think was a very important thing to remember. I suppose I wanted to share this talk because I think it helps explain why being quiet, not seeking attention and enjoying solitude, doesn't mean you don't have a story to tell, an idea to share or don't connect with people. Whilst writing this blog doesn't appear to be a characteristic that an introvert might display in a way it is actually a reflection of me being a bit of an introvert. It has allowed me to ponder, reflect and search for the positive side of my situation in, what you might call, a quiet way instead of talking about it with every second person like others might. It is also a way of me connecting with others, probably sounds weird to extroverts but sorry that's the truth. Anyway if you're a bit of an introvert like me, I hope you can understand why I am posting this. It's not directly linked to my health but at the same time it is.
The chaos from the last few weeks has almost gone. It wasn't the nicest chaos so I don't feel relaxed or like I have had holidays. As everything is calming down I will say I've been pretty bored. The highlight last week was that I got to see a dear friend who had been OS since November and of course I made it eventful by almost fainting when we were in a shopping centre. Apart from that I've been going stir crazy. It's really getting to me not being able to drive again and to make matters worse my best friend is moving house today and will now no longer be living 10 minutes away but half an hour drive or 1+ hour public transport journey.
It's summer holidays, I feel like I should be having a great time and living life to the fullest but I'm not. I still have about 2 weeks before school goes back but the outlook is that I won't be having much fun before I do (pessimistic side). This coming week is going to be stinking hot. The forecast is 40+ degrees every single day with minimum temperatures in the mid 20s. I don't like summer so probably won't go out much, not that I can anyway.
Last night I was so stir crazy and had to get out of the house that I walked up to Blackwood at 9pm, had a soy, decaf cappuccino and then walked back. I slept well and this morning I got a lift to a gym class. I was pretty nervous going into the class but it went well, I made it through.
I wrote a post earlier about looking for at least one positive thing in each day, which I have found hard over the last week for a few different reasons, but yesterday as I was walking up to Blackwood I realised my surgery was 4 months ago. That was a happy moment for me as I reflected on the progress I had made. I found a positive in my day.
I will be having driving lessons at the end of this month and have started house hunting so hopefully I can focus on those posivites in the coming weeks.
Sorry for the downer of a blog but there's no point in lying about it.
