fact: I have two brain tumours! If you want to find out more then have a read.
The last few years have have been full of many trials and tribulations but I will tell you one thing, I have learnt a lot about life.
So a couple of weeks ago I posted about a big "life changing decision" that I had made and when and if I would go ahead with it. Well I have done it. To be honest I made a big hoo-ha over something that for most people could quite possibly be a 'meh' decision. Anyway I resigned from my job. From a permanent teaching job! For those of you that don't know, it's been really tricky to get a teaching job in my little city over the last few years and it still is, but I had come to a point where I no longer enjoyed what I was doing. I've been in a role that I never thought I would be and in the last 18 months it's gone from what was a security blanket to me to something that I drag myself out of bed for and hope to make it through the day. I know where my passion lies, I know what I want to do and have been called to do and although I leave this job with no job lined up in a way it's exciting. The main reason I posted about this was due to the fact that it relates to mental health. My mental health was suffering. I knew that and so did a few people that were around me. As I've learnt over the last few years being healthy isn't just about being healthy physically but about being mentally and spiritually healthy. I want to be an all round healthy person and I'm taking action to do that. No doubt there will be a few 'ahhh crap, what have I done?' moments over the next few months but like I posted about previously I know this is the right decision.
I've been surprised by some people's reactions. The majority of people have congratulated me on taking this 'bold step' and I wonder why. I'm still not 100% sure but as one of my dear colleagues said to me 'Sometimes where we end up is not due to us being lucky, but by us taking those risks, leaving a comfort zone and us working for what we get. Sometimes we make our luck, luck doesn't just happen.' (or something like that but you get the idea.)
Anyway, do what makes you happy folks. Ask yourself 'What's right for my mental health?' and maybe just take that leap of faith.
When I start typing I'll usually delete the first few lines and start afresh. I've already done this about 3 times and by about the 4th attempt I tell myself 'just write the damn thing' so I'm not changing this intro. I'm just going to type the blog!
The last few weeks have been challenging but rewarding. School started three weeks ago and I whilst I am extremely tired at the end of each day I am really happy to be back at work. It has given me a boost of confidence and again reminded me of how I am constantly improving. I've remained in my class for most of the recess and lunch breaks we
have at work so that I can have some quiet time and catch my breath, clear my head and prepare myself for the next lot of trouble makers. This has definitely been helpful in getting me through each day. I
haven't asked another teacher to step in so I can have a quick break but
did warn them that I may need some help. Thankfully I haven't needed this help.
Surgery was just over 5 months ago now. The time has flown but at the same time the healing process is a long one. Whilst I am glad surgery was "quite some time ago" I have been disappointed or perhaps more frustrated recently that most people who see me and know I have been through surgery think I am completely back to my pre-op self. It's really quite upsetting. I hope it's something that they never have to experience so I suppose I can't really expect empathy but I do hope for some sympathy when I give them a gentle reminder that I am not yet 100% better. Having said this I feel like I'm almost there.
I love reading other people's blogs and the detail that some put into them is fantastic but I always wonder how long it must take them to type up such detailed accounts of their day/week/month. I don't have the memory or enough concentration to go into such detail so here is a list of things that has happened in the last month.
another visit to the Dr.s
waiting anxiously for the letter from the Department of Transport informing me I am clear to drive
wasted $80+ dollars on medication as I forgot to take my medication out of the car and it so happened to be 46 degrees that day
no migraines
I returned to the gym
new haircut/colour
ventured into public/work without wearing a headband for the first time since surgery
On the non-medical side of things
my brother turned 21 so now I'm feeling quite a bit older
started house hunting and am not enjoying it
experienced the hottest day/summer on record in South Australia and our house survived without air-conditioning.
packed a bag for possible emergency evacuation as there was an uncontrolled bushfire in the nearby national park
first "usual" paycheck since last September
became addicted to online UNO
Watched almost every episode of Downton Abbey
I'm feeling quite happy at the moment. I'm happy with life but excited for change. I'm particularly happy at the moment because I FINALLY received the news that I can drive again. Welcome back independence! I must admit I am quite nervous to drive independently, especially during peak hour so I will probably be venturing to work earlier than usual and leaving a tad later.
On another note, I wanted to share a TED talk. I watched it the other day when I was having some quiet time in my classroom. It's about Introverts, the positive side, which is nice to hear. As I was listening to it I was thinking to myself 'yup that's me, yup that too, and that' but it also made the point that us introverts aren't constantly introverrted, which I think was a very important thing to remember. I suppose I wanted to share this talk because I think it helps explain why being quiet, not seeking attention and enjoying solitude, doesn't mean you don't have a story to tell, an idea to share or don't connect with people. Whilst writing this blog doesn't appear to be a characteristic that an introvert might display in a way it is actually a reflection of me being a bit of an introvert. It has allowed me to ponder, reflect and search for the positive side of my situation in, what you might call, a quiet way instead of talking about it with every second person like others might. It is also a way of me connecting with others, probably sounds weird to extroverts but sorry that's the truth. Anyway if you're a bit of an introvert like me, I hope you can understand why I am posting this. It's not directly linked to my health but at the same time it is.
I went back to work today. It was only for half a day and it was fine. Not the best lessons ever. The best lessons seem to be the lessons that you either haven't planned for much or the ones that go waaaay differently than you expected and then you achieve more than you had hoped for.
I received plenty of hugs, lots of waves from students that I walked past who were surprised to see me and one little cherub came running up to me before school had started and exclaimed 'Frau Soandso, you're back!', it was adorable. It's amazing how much these students have grown in 10 weeks and boy oh boy some of the students I taught today are definitely showing their 6-7 year old attitudes. Kinda funny.
Anyway, nap time. Back to school next Tuesday for the first full day since September eek!
